I’ve been fired far too often

Another column from the past, but one that makes me smile. Lately he hasn't been firing me, he realizes (I think) that he needs me :-), even with all the snow days and not being able to go to school because of his health issues.

published March 4, 2007, The News-Herald

“You’re Fired!”

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that phrase, I’d be rich.

Contrary to popular belief, this phrase did not originate with Donald Trump and his reality show “The Apprentice.” My son Austin, who has autism and fragile X, has been using this phrase long before “the Donald” ever did.

Like many children on the autism or fragile X spectrum, Austin frequently wanders into the world of verbal perseveration or echolalia. He’ll repeat a statement over, and over, and over again.

One of Austin’s strength is his memory, but not for things I would like him to remember. Instead, he remembers lines from movies, TV programs and commercials.

If there is a phrase that catches his attention, you can expect to hear it repeatedly. Sometimes they’re quite innocent and sometimes they’re rather inappropriate.

I’m fairly certain, “You’re Fired!” originated from the animated movie “A Bug’s life.” The context of it was humorous and caught his attention.

If only I could tap into that world of Austin’s, just think of what I could teach him. As it stands, that wonderful memory serves little function when I try to teach him some of life’s basic skills.  

However, I must admit that this might not be completely true. It may be in his mind somewhere but to this day I haven’t figured out a way to pull it out and put it to use.

He tends to use different phrases during different times, depending on his emotional state. If he’s happy, he often tells dad, “I’m gonna kiss your woman” or  mom, “You’re beautiful – NOT!”

If he’s a little frustrated or maybe the hormones in his ever-changing body are creeping out and he’s being a little head strong, I’m always “fired.”

When he’s angry it’s “nice butt” to which I often reply, “It is” as I glance down at myself. This reply often diffuses the situation a little.

He often gets frustrated when there’s a change to his daily routine. Lately, with the Downriver school snow days and breaks, I’ve been “fired” far too often.  

Sadly, I’ve not had much success at being fired.  I even tried being fired once.

It was during a time when I realized I needed to leave the workforce to better advocate for Austin.

Our work group had been out-sourced to another company and as the two companies tried to create what they called “due diligence,” they faltered when it came to what was due to their employees.

I had nothing to lose by speaking up since I’d decided to quit but hadn’t put in my notice. I pushed a few people’s buttons and came very close to being fired until a higher-level manager stepped in and put a stop to it. Unfortunately, the manager was protecting me but didn’t realize I wanted to be fired.

Shortly after that, I put in my two-week notice to quit, hoping that they would follow previous exit procedures for other employees. That is, within a couple of days, they would greet me at my desk with a box and kindly escort me to the door.  Once escorted out you would still receive your last two weeks salary.

Three days later, I was still waiting for my box. I actually called my manager asking where my box was to which he responded they wouldn’t do that to me.

So here I am, years later, being told I’m “fired” on a near daily basis and I’m still looking for that box, waiting to be escorted to the door.

There are days I wish I really was fired from my responsibilities, but in reality, I can’t even go on strike. If I did none of my kids would make it to school and being on strike with all the kids at home doesn’t sound too enticing.

My only recourse is to enter Austin’s world and pick up traits of echolalia. When he say’s “You’re Fired”, I respond, “Go ahead, make my day.”