The Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back

“The final difficulty in a series; the last little burden or problem that causes everything to collapse. (From the image of a camel being loaded down with much weight. Finally, at some point, one more straw will be too much and the camel's back will break.)”

Last weekend Jerry and I watched “Last Vegas” and in explaining some of the highlights of the movie Jerry voted his favorite line as being Morgan (Archie) Freeman’s line “"Billy, I have a hemorrhoid that's 32 years old!" – this was his response to learning that Michael (Billy) Douglas's fiancé is only 32”. And we only laughed more when the girls asked “What’s a hemorrhoid?”

This silly conversation brought back a few vivid memories. Yes, memories of hemorrhoids.

When I was 21, in the service stationed in Italy, I was pregnant with my first child which sadly ended in a miscarriage and right after the miscarriage I developed hemorrhoids and was simply informed that hemorrhoids are quite common during pregnancy. This is one very small sample of a little straw that broke my back. At twenty-one I thought roids were only something old people dealt with and in my world they didn’t exist.  I’m sure it’s a conversation my mother won’t forget at least I won’t because I called international and blubbered on the phone for ten minutes to the tune of $70, only to have a conversation with my mom because I had hemorrhoids.  Honestly I was more upset that it happened after the miscarriage, I think if I wouldn’t have had the miscarriage I could have handled the roids.

And now I’m thinking of that straw and reminding myself I’m the one who needs to determine how heavy it should be or even if there will be a straw that breaks the camel’s back.

I’ve got Austin’s last blood draw results always lurking in the back of my mind and I just try to keep it in the back but it is always there.

We’ve had two wetting accidents during the night this week, another conversation one doesn’t typically have when talking about their 22 year-old son but it is what it is, it’s part of my reality. This is not normal so it makes me wonder what’s going on. Do I need to buckle up and get ready for another wild adventure? When dealing with it I thought of the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’ll be honest there are times the simplest thing could be that straw – if I let it. There are times in this journey with Austin, with fragile X and autism, that I’d like to just throw my hands in the air and surrender. But it all comes down to one thing - I’ve decided that’s not who I am, my unconditional love for Austin will move us forward.

And on that note, I’m probably going to drive Ms. Natalie crazy because I’m rocking out to “Love Runs Out” by OneRepublic because this love is never gonna run out.

"I'll be your light, your match, your burning sun,

I'll be the bright, in black that's makin' you run.

And we'll feel alright, and we'll feel alright,

'Cause we'll work it out, yes, we'll work it out.

And we'll start a fire, and we'll shut it down,

'Til the love runs out, 'til the love runs out.

'Til the love runs out."

Love Runs Out - Audio

Word of the day

vig·i·lant

 adjective \ˈvi-jə-lənt\

: carefully noticing problems or signs of danger

Full Definition of VIGILANT

:  alertly watchful especially to avoid danger

Test results are in, numbers look good, and hemoglobin is the same as it was two weeks ago at 15.3 but a new diagnosis/comment appeared on the test results in the RBC Comment area – Acanthocytosis.

“Acanthocytosis is a condition characterized by the presence of abnormally-shaped red blood cells called acanthocytes. Signs and symptoms more commonly reported include a history of chronic diarrhea with pale, foul-smelling, and bulky stools; loss of appetite and vomiting; and slow weight gain and decreased growth. Some individuals may have ataxia, tremors, and visual abnormalities; or jaundice, abdominal pain, pallor, dark urine, and recurrent infections. Although acanthocytosis has been associated with a number of both inherited and acquired conditions, it most commonly occurs with abetalipoproteinemia and hemolytic anemia of severe liver disease. Treatment for acanthocytosis depends on the underlying condition the affected individual has.”

Just another rare disease we'll add to our list. 

I can only remain vigilant; I’ll try to remember to occasionally monitor his urine and stools.  Typical for Austin it’s often difficult to identify if there is something going on.  Even as a young child he quickly learned what to do to possibly avoid doing things he didn’t want to do or as an out to get out of a situation that because of anxiety needed to escape from. An excuse to go to the bathroom or an “I’m gonna get sick” statement was quite common.  At this time I haven’t seen any signs or symptoms but I do believe I might need to be just a little more attentive.

The reference above to hemolytic anemia is just a reminder that even though his numbers look good we may not be out of the woods yet.  I do wonder if we will ever be out of the woods.  As the docs have repeatedly told me there is no crystal ball, they nor I can predict the future.

Next doctor’s appointment is June 16^th unless something drastically changes.

And on another note, I am so over the Spiderman glasses.  Everywhere we go he has them on – now that’s normal, mom being annoyed by how he obsesses over certain things. I've even tried joining him but it's just not working for me - LOL.  I think Natalie wears them best.